There’s something undeniably intoxicating about giving your guy the kind of pleasure that will have him moaning to the rafters. Still, blow jobs always seem to take infinitely longer than initially anticipated; and unlike regular jobs, blow jobs don’t come with Internet access or free coffee to help you while away the minutes. That doesn’t mean, however, that there aren’t ways to keep your mind occupied while you keep him mesmerized with bliss. Here are seven ways to do just that.
1. Use Your Tongue to Play Word Games
Start by spelling out the first word that comes to your mouth (hopefully it’s not G-A-G), and then see how quickly you can come up with a word that begins with the letter you ended on. By the time he’s D-O-N-E, you will have strengthened your vocabulary and your endurance!
2. Play the Air Harmonica
Embrace your inner folk singer by imagining that you’re throwing down a soulful air harmonica tune. Picture each note as you’re playing it, and for bonus points, see if you can also remember all the lyrics to the song you’re playing. We’d say you should take this act on the road, but that might be kind of awkward for your friends and family.
3. Practice Your Yoga Breathing
If focusing on your breath can keep your mind occupied while you move through sun salutations, it can certainly get you through a few minutes of having a mouthful. Namaste.
4. Challenge Yourself to a One-Person Game of “Would You Rather?”
Playing a game of chicken with your tonsils feels like a stroll through the park when you’re contemplating whether you’d rather only eat fish guts for the rest of your life or have body hair that grew out as dread locks that you could never shave.
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5. Guess Which of His Testicles Is Bigger
A blow job is often an “all hands on deck” situation. Use your hands to see if you can spot the (hopefully) minor differences between his seemingly identical twins. It’s like a carnival game where he wins an orgasm and you both win some well-earned sleep!
6. See How Long You Can Go Without Getting a Pubic Hair In Your Mouth
When you begin, start counting, and don’t stop until you feel the familiar sensation of the world’s grossest floss on your teeth. If this happens, start over and continue until he’s made it to the finish line. The lower the number you count to before things get hairy, the more enthusiastic you’ll be when you remind him that it’s time for him to return the favor to you.